I`ll just admit , I stepped in to a huge poop hole in retrospect. (frustrated)

I am 29 m btw just putting it out there , and this will not apply to everyone here , I know that just a disclaimer. I know I may of violated some of the forum guidelines but right now I don't know any other outlet besides here to vent.

Is that I used to deny it for so long , but now im okay with it and I don't really care anymore, I used to hide the fact I was a nerd in a lot of social situations and I was afraid of being stereotyped , but you know what ? I do love anime , I do love tech and video games and I love nerdy art hobbies ( I would like to say most nerds do). And I am the literal stereotype of a nerd Asian even furthering the fact that I don't do typical normal social activities (at all) which 90% of people part take in , I d o n t smoke , I don't drink I don't do substances at all, and yeah I like staying at home doing these things , but I also go out to shows , I like city biking and also playing music in a social setting as well, albeit im mostly the lone wolf who pursues these things.

what im saying is that Im conflicted that I know I cant meet most people because most of the majority exist in a physical social environment in which I do not or will ever agree with. I don't hate the people that do its just preference.

And I had a strange experience dating I would say for part of it I always wanted to date my race and I don't thing theres anything wrong with that but being in modern day American Asian women well the ones I came across prefer dating men outside their race and sometimes I think its because of the multi ethnic environment that the US harbors which is great don't get me wrong. Being an Asian male especially being this niche and constantly having to hide the way I am to appear even socially normal felt inhibiting as a person sometimes. Maybe I say this because im much older now and I still felt like i didn't change over the years but im not mad that I didn't from my experiences , but its like sometimes You get what you want and it turns out that it wasn't what you want , and then you try to date someone completely the opposite and it goes down the dumb poop hole and you knew from the start it was going to be bad and you pursue just to see if it really was as bad as it was going to be and this was with a younger Asian girl who was 4 years prior to me. Sometimes I think dating my own race will have some compatibility benefits but sometimes it was far from the case. It didn't help that : she wanted to do drugs every so often , she drank and did marijuana more than not at social occasions with here friends it was effing hard for me to keep my composure sometimes in these settings and it upset me a lot and she kept dragging me to these effing dumb events. It also didn't help she had ALOT of undisclosed family issues in her personal life but that's on her thing is I don't want to assume to much but she just threw them in my face as excuses or reasons for a lot trivial crap for her behavior. And to top it off we both had completely 180 degree perspectives , she was extremely hippie hipsterish , I`ll completely say the whole 9 yards liberal , sexually free and etc.etc. I felt like a lot of the time we existed to piss each other off , this was such a horrible pairing.

What pissed me like a MF was when she said to me " if you hang around enough it`ll be acceptable to you eventually" she compared it to shock therapy which in theory can work but if a lot of my personal principles are on the basis of me NOT wanting to do these things why the eff would you even think that's a viable answer/ resolve ?

Look Im sorry if this came out in such a weird fashion but sometimes I am horrible at trying chronologically put these thoughts into order but this is the only way I usually can do it. I think its because I repress such bullpoop and painful moments of my life for so long and thinking itll eventually be forgotten but it never does. I usually have a very close friend who I can talk too but even he has so much on his plate with his family and girlfriend and there for on top of that its extremely hard to get a hold of him these days ( but I still love my friend bless him).

In kind of looking back I know everyones different and regardless of shallow race preference , I got to kinda date someone from my race but the internal part of this person was complete and utter poop.

You never know what youre gonna get , tread lightly and enjoy your life.

thanks for reading - Calm

I wanted so bad to have my childhood set in western country. Maybe next life.-random

Honestly I`ll trade LOL @zen

...well...seems to me you need to meet the right girl. PHT recommends you to only date eastern european girls because they very pretty 4 sure 100% and also they dont get mad at you if you trollollol them they very forgiving women. and also you should take them to StarBucks and buy them iced coffee and pizza.

if you do that you will have not more problems AND you will stop ur crying & complaining.

thank you for your concern but I highly recommend you actually r e a d the context of the post , I never dated a European girl lol - Hey Holla back to any one in the UK lol.

but this sounds pretty biased from someone who does do those things I have a principle against. Plus damn youre from Philly bruh that's my city lmao

anyway to keep it light hearted mr. tran who is 41 I get "it" you like blondes with a thigh gap ,im not a monthly subscriber but let me know when the next issue of vogue comes out.

My whole life is a poop hole lit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
my solution was no social life anymore, i fill my social bar by chatting with strangers. friends dont exist. they are disappointing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
A lover? no thanks, dont need another dog in my life. just cause its the norm, doesnt mean we hav to live like that

Lonlyness forever ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I just live for money now, money is my new irreplaceable god.

greetings, Hey Ai's favourite pessimist Navi ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hey ! lisssten ! (get it ? haha)

life can suck a lot haha

nice to meet you navi !

how comes u nicer to navi when she trolloololoLL??? but mean to me when I trolloooLLoo braaah??? huh braaah? O I C I C hows YOU r!!!!

There's a difference in relating to context then criticizing someone without tact.

...yeah but at the end of the day trolling is trolling not matter if it was from a guy or a girl.

UNLESS!!! you were being nice to her trolling just because she was a white girl!!
but you were being mean to me trolling because I was a yellow man!!!

in which case I SEE how YOU are!!! i see how YOU are!!! mr calm exposed!!!